Why Do We Love?

Why do we love? It's reassuring yet scary to think that we're ready to do everything and we're willing to give everything for love. I've been into many relationships. I learned a lot of things from each relationship I had. I learned how to value each moment with them.

At one point in my life, I had the chance to have the best relationship when I fall in love with my so-called best friend. I was able to show the real me whenever I'm with my best friend. Damn! I miss those days when we were hanging out. The laughters, the tears and the happiness.Who would have thought that it would just end up to nothing?

Someone told me that sometimes, you have to hold on to pain. So you can let it go. That's why I'm doin' this now. I will put all my sorrows here. I will let them go. I will start again. I'll allow myself to get hurt. I'll allow myself to be the world's punching bag because I can fight back. That's the point, isn't it?

We always have a choice. We can always choose to do what is right. When I chose to love my bestfriend, I know I did the right thing. It doesn't matter how many heartaches I had when we were still on. What matters is the happiness we've shared. It's priceless.

To live and know that you loved. And that you've been loved. So to the one who's reading this, I hope you can find someone who will give you the strength to believe in love. Even if you have no assurance that you're story will end in "I Love You!" and "Happily ever after...". Just continue to love.

Natal Day

I've just celebrated my natal day today. Whoah! I can't believe that I am 19 years old now. I don't really mind celebrating my birthday because it is not really important. What's really important for me is the people around me. It's really nice to know that no matter who am I at what am I, there are still people who stand by me and believes in me.

This day is not that special as compare to my previous natal days. This is my first time to celebrate my birthday without my father, but I know wherever he may be, he's always there with us.

Thank you guys for all the greetings. And thank you for the friendship.

Letting Go

There are people who can walk away from you. And when people walk away from you, let them walk. Our destiny is never tied to anybody that left. Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be. Some people think it's holding on that makes someone strong. Well, sometimes it's letting go.

Sometimes, you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to. Let them go, it doesn't mean that they are bad persons. It only means that their part in the story of your life is over. You've got to know when their part is over so that you won't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. Then, move on.

If you are holding on to something that is not yours and would never be yours, let it go. Just like in love, let go of someone you love. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were. When letting go of something, all you need is understanding. Understanding that while good things never last, some don't even start.

Maybe some people are not meant to be in our lives forever. Maybe some are just passing through. It is just like they come through our lives to bring us something. Perhaps a gift, a blessing or a lesson we need to learn. That's why they're here, because you'll have that gift forever.

How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to. I've learned that goodbyes will always hurt, pictures can never replace being there, memories forget the hard times, words can never replace feelings and heroes often go unsung. There is a time for departure even when there is no certain place to go. Always remember that there are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to left behind. Keep in mind, that letting go is not the end of the world. It's the beginning of a new life.

It's All About Friendship.

Each friend we have in our life represents a world in us. A world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this arrival that a new world is born. Each friend we have brings out the best in us. Our friends are one of the most important ingredients we have in this recipe of life. As the saying goes, "No Man is a failure who has FRIENDS!"

Friendship is like a building contract you sign with laughter and break with tears. A true friend is the one who knows more about you than yourself and still accepts you. Someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else. One who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself.

No friendship can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. Each friend we have will always leave a great impact in our lives and in our hearts. Be it positive or negative. A memory in which we are going to cherish and treasure forever.

I love my friends for what they are and who they are, not for what they have and who they pretend to be. I respect their freedoms to be themselves and appreciate every differences between their ways and mine.

GOODBYES

Come on, admit it. Some of our friends will just come and quickly go. Some would stay for a while and leave footprints in our hearts. Then, we are never ever the same again. Don't cry. Smile because it happened. We have to accept the fact that not all things are permanent. Move on. Perhaps they aren't worthy enough to be your friends.

Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say goodbye to them. People never know how special someone is until they leave, but maybe sometimes its important to leave, so they are given that chance to see how special that someone really is.

THANK YOU!

To all of my friends, thank you very much for accepting me for who I am and for what I am. Thank you for holding on. Thank you for coming into my life, teaching me some lessons and helping me to figure out who am I. For the happiness, laughters and tears, Thank you very much. Hope you won't leave.

Thank You!

Before anything else, I just want to ask an apology because I wasn't able to update my blog for a week. But now, I am back again and ready to face the world again. Hehe!

It has been 3 months since my father passed away. And yet, I never had the chance to say "Thank You!" to those people who were there for me during those saddest part of my life. I may not have the chance to tell it personally but I know that you guys would know how grateful I am.

Thank you for extending all your condolences to my family. Thank you for all the things you have shared. It means a lot to me.

Thank you for cheering me up. Thank you for all your contributions and flowers. Thank you for having me as one of your friends.

Lastly, Thank you Lord for having them in my life.

A Tribute To My Mother!

It was International Women's Day yesterday. I want to dedicate this entry to my mother. I know how it is difficult to be a mother because I can see how mothers sacrifice their own happiness for their children. They always want to give their children the best. They want to give them a better life. They'll do anything just to make sure that their children would have a better future. Some may be fortunate because they have a mother who is financially stable. How about those who are not? I think it is not right to call them unfortunate just because they lack money. If you were to choose, which will you prefer? A rich mom who has no time for you? Or a not so rich mom but can give her full attention to you? For me, it won't matter on what kind of mother do I have. As long as she's always there beside me and supports me in every decision I make. That's enough.

I must admit that I am not a good son and I hate my mother sometimes, but still I love her more than anything else. I owe my life to her. Without her, I am not existing. We had so many misunderstandings, but at the end of the day my love for my mom dominates. There were times when I asked myself, what if I have different mother? Would it still be the same? I don't know. I am contented on what kind of mother I have, I love her for what she is.

I used to call my mother as a hero. Being a teacher for almost 4 decades is not a joke. I am proud of my mother. Waking up early and sleeping late at night. I know, my mom wants the best for me. She grew up in a poor family. She used to tell me stories about her childhood years. Going to school without slippers and she has to walk 4 kilometers from their home. I may not be a good son but I'll make it sure that I'll do my best and be the best.

I was looking for the letter my mom gave me during our high school retreat. Too bad, I can't find it anymore. Perhaps I misplaced it.

Let me grab this opportunity to thank those women who are part of my life and one of my inspirations in life. Thank you for being there for me and for all those advices. Thank you for believing in me and standing by me.

Chance or Choice?

What is a chance? What is a choice? What are their differences? How can you relate chances to choices and choices to chances? Well, I do not know. That's why I'm asking.

Choices are about decision-making. It involves critical thinking. Every choices you make will have an impact in your life. So before you make any choices, reflect on what will be the effect. Be it good or bad, as long as you can stand and live by it, go ahead. It's your life, it's your decision, it's your choice. You are the one who is responsible in every choices you make. Nobody else but you.

Chances are your fate and destiny. Que Sera Sera. What will be? Will be. Come what may. Always expect the unexpected. But it doesn't mean that you'll just wait what your fate instore for you. Do not let destiny control you instead let yourself control your destiny. Grab every chances, don't let it pass by especially if it would help yourself a lot.

Now, to make it more clear. Let us put chances and choices in a situation. Let us take love as an example. When you meet the right person to love at the right place and at the right time, that's what you call a chance. When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's a chance too.

Being caught that there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, richer than your partner and yet you decide to love your partner just the same, as what he/she is and what he/she has, that's definitely a choice. Attraction comes to us by chance but true love is truly a choice.

Think of it, fate brings people together, but its still up to us to make it happen. We may meet someone by chance, but loving and staying with that someone is still our choice.

Tagged!

I've been tagged by Nay Ube. Therefore, I have to list down my own set of five crazy things about me, myself and I.

1. I love cramming. Hell Yeah!
2. When I was in High School, I almost got suspended because of calling my classmate a bitch and so as her mom! Oops! Don't blame me for that. She started the fight.
   
3. When I was in my 3rd year in High School, I let my adviser cry in front of the class. I don't even know why she cried. I just told her that she's better off as a teacher, not as an adviser. Whoah! She overreacted.
4. I love "love songs". Haha! It certainly helps me to uplift my spirits. Hehe!
5. I always change my exam results whenever I have the chance to change it. Besides, they will never know about it unless they're going to recount it. That was way back in High School.
   

There you go. They are not that much crazy but certainly they are not the least. Anyway, I want to tag the one who reads this. Come on, post your 5 crazy things here and show to the world that you ain't normal.

Incomplete

Later this afternoon, my family attended the Sunday Mass together for the first time. My mom, my elder sister, my eldest brother, my 4 nephews (3 of which are of my sister and 1 is of my brother) and the two nannies are with me (we consider them as part of the family). It really feels great when you're with them. Seeing their smile on their faces feels good. It helps you to forget your problems even just for a moment.

On our way home, I felt sad because I would be happier if my dad is still with us. I came to realize that I have never experienced being with my family wherein we are really complete. In every occasion or instance, there is still one who is not with us.

During my graduation day in elementary, one of my brothers is not with us. During my high school graduation, my sister is not with us. Life is so unfair. I never experienced being with my whole family.I was looking some of the pictures of my family a while ago, there I saw my family complete. That's the time when I wasn't born yet. That's the time when my sister graduated as Valedictorian in elementary. As a matter of fact, we don't even have a family picture together.

Lastly, my family were not complete when my father died. It was only me, my mother and my sister who were there witnessing the last breath of my father. I guess, I have to face the fact that my family will NEVER be complete again. So you guys, always put your family as one of your top priorities (second to God). Enjoy every moment with them. Be with them and always give a time to them. Don't ignore them and show to them that you love them.

Life. Friendship. Love.

LIFE. Enjoy each day of your life . Always start your day with a smile and end it with a smile even if there's something wrong. Treat each day as if it is your last. Do everything you can do for today. Do not wait for tomorrow because today is yesterday's tomorrow. Let God always guide you in everything you for He knows what is the best for you. Offer everything to Him and always count your blessings. Share what you have and always be humble. Be thankful in everything that is happening to your life. Be it good or bad. Always be optimistic in every single thing you do. If you fail, just bounce back higher.Lastly, always express your feelings. Let other people feel what you feel.

FRIENDSHIP. They say, friends come and go. But, only few will leave footprints in your heart. You can always find a friend in anyone but only few will stay true. Your parents and siblings can be your friends. There are no criteria in having a friendship with someone. Having a friend whom you can rely on, talk to and be with is one of the greatest gems you'll have in your life. A true friend accepts you for who you are and what you are. Most especially, a true friend knows how you affect their lives. Be it in a simple way or in a special way.

LOVE. As I've said, there are no perfect people when it comes to love, only perfect moments. Everyone wants to fall inlove without getting hurt. Some are afraid to take the risk. Some prefer to be alone. Being hurt is part of the relationship, it's up to you and your partner on how you're going to take it and cope with it. In love, it won't matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal. You'll get through it with the help of your friends and family. Don't find love, let love find you.

What IF?

While I was on my way home from school, I saw some kids playing along boulevard. I don't want to label them as beggars because we are all equal in the eyes of God. I was just wondering IF their parents still care for them? IF what will happen to them in the future?

What will happen to me IF I was in their shoes? What would my life would be? Definitely, it won't be the same as what kind of life I have now. But still, there's the feeling that I want to experience what kind of life do they have. I kinda have some idea on how it feels to live a life like theirs because I had the chance to mingle some of them when I was in High School. We do the "exposure thingy" then wherein we were tasked to visit families in urban areas.

I just realized that I am still fortunate because I have a better life. But kinda sad knowing that we can deny the fact that there are still who suffers from poverty. Argh!

Someday, I'll be able to help these people. I want them to finish their studies and have a better life. It's not too late though. But if it is, it's better late than never.

My Bestfriend Randy

Since this blog is all about my life and my friend are part of life, I have created a category for my friends. So that you guys, my loyal readers (as if there are) would be able to know them as well.

Let me start with my bestfriend Randy who is celebrating his birthday today. I've known him for 6 years now. He was my classmate when we were still in second year high school. He was the our topnatcher then and I was the second. And I never had the chance to dethrone him in his place. He was still my classmate in 3rd year but this time, I am 3rd in the class and he was the fifth. We were not classmates anymore in 4th year but we continued to dominate our respective classes, he was 3rd in their class and I was 2nd in our class. Hehe!

Don't get me wrong, I am not bragging. I just want to share our memories in High School. Furthermore, we are now studying at Ateneo and we are in the same course though he's one year ahead of me.

To my bestfriend, Happy Birthday! Can't wait for our plans after college. We are going to fulfill it together. I'm always here for you! Keep rockin'!

I Have Learned....

I have learned that when you plan to get even with someone, you're only letting that person to hurt you. For this will just make things more complicated. Let them hurt you and never fight back. What they did to you will eventually happen to them, much worse than what they have done.

I have learned that ignoring the facts do not change the facts. Learn to accept everything that is happening to our lives. Never questioned God why it is happening. Life goes on.

I have learned that the easiest way to grow as a person is to surround yourself with people smarter than you are. They can help you in every problems and challenges you encounter. They are smarter in a sense that they have more experiences than you. By those experiences, they can guide you in every deciesion you make.

I have learned that no one is perfect until you have fall in love with them. Yes, no one is perfect but as they say, practice makes perfect. So, why practice if no one is perfect? Haha! Kidding aside, there are really no perfect people. Only perfect moments with special people.

Lastly, I have learned that life is tough, but I can be tougher. Our journey of life is like a game. It's all about how you play it and how you take it. All about control, all about pain and who's gonna make it.

Life is so short. Enjoy every moment of it to the fullest.

My Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

• You have medium extroversion.
• You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
• Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
• But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:

• You have medium conscientiousness.
• You're generally good at balancing work and play.
• When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
• But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

Agreeableness:

• You have medium agreeableness.
• You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
• But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
• You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:

• You have high neuroticism.
• It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.
• You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.
• You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low.

Openness to experience:

• Your openness to new experiences is medium.
• You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.
• But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.
• You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test
http://www.blogthings.com/thefivefactorpersonalitytest/

Name 9 People You Can Think!

I have nothing to do when I arrive home. While browsing my friendster bulletin, I saw this one posted. I tried to do it just for fun. There's no harm in trying though.

Name 9 people you can think of right off the top of your head. Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 9 people. This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first.

1. Chris
2. Ermat
3. Jacky
4. ate Ley
5. Mom Dee
6. pareng Billy
7. kuya John
8. pareng Ronald
9. Lady Anne
   

1. How did you meet number 3?

• Jacky was my classmate in High School.

2. What would you do if number 2 and 6 were going out?

• Haha! Billy is my friend. There's nothing wrong if my Mom will meet some of my friends. But, I should be with them if they are going out. Mahirap na! Baka ilaglag ako.
  

3. How do you know number 8?

• I met him in an online forum which is Pinoyexchange. He's good in babbling.
  

4. What do you think of number 7?

• Hmmm..He's kind, nice and humble. A true friend.

5. What would you do if 5 confessed he/she loves you?

• Co-incidence? Hahaha! I love Mom Dee. She's always there for me. A true friend and a great mom.
  

6. A fact about 9?

• Talkative. That's a fact! Anyway, all my friends are talkative.
  

7. Who is 1 going out with?

• He's in a relationship. His girlfriend perhaps.

8. What does 4 do for a living?

• My sister is a nurse.

9. Where does 7 live?

• Pampanga.
  

10. What do you like about number 1?

• He is my bestfriend. He knows a lot about me. I like him because he's feisty.

11. Do you miss number 2?

• She's my mother. And I am living with her. So, not.

12. What is your opinion of number 6?

• He's kind and humble. May angas nga lang. Haha!

13. What do you think about number 5?

• Sobrang Pasaway.
  

14. What would you do if 3 and 8 were going out?

• Haha! Co-incidence again? Ronald asked me Jacky's number last year. But I think, he was turned down. I'll be happy if they're going out.
  

15. Who does 2 love?

• My late beloved father.
  

16. Would you ever go to the movies with number 9?

• We did it so many times.
  

17. Is 4 hot?

• You bet. She's my sister.

18. How many of them did you meet on friendster?

• Neither.

I Wanna Go Away From Home

Life is so unfair. When I do bad, nobody forgets. When I do good, nobody remembers. I am sick and tired of my life. I wanna quit. I wanna die. I wanna give up.

Why is it so hard to please my mother? I have high grades and she doesn't give a damn. Since I was a child, I never felt even once that somehow I am part of the family. My mother never treated me special. I am always her least priority.

Since I was a child, I never had the chance to decide on my own and to get what I want. To hell with the saying, "Mother knows best". It's the other way around. I hate my mother as much as I hate myself.

I wanna go away from home where I can decide on my own and get what I want. I wanna be independent. I wanna have my own life. I wanna be happy and I wanna be free. I wanna see the other side of life.

I Used to Think...

While waiting for the right person to come,
play and have fun with the wrong one.
Knowing your out there to take more than fun
But for a vengance of a bitter heart.

Life goes on with out seeking for meaning
Enjoying intimate moments with empty silence.
Out there trading souls of pureness in bargain
Thinking there is nothing to lose nothing to gain.

So I hold to all those shallow moments
Of lingering shadows with out any body to share
Hoping to find joys in savoring for heartless encounters
Without knowing my dignity in plunder.
Not knowing i am the one whose being hurt.

Then I think again …
I stoped for a while and look back
I can’t see no joys that can hold me now
Only tears of lost hope and endless needing
For a haven of peace … for a music in my silence.

Now I am thinking is this all for my vengeance?
Of showing others i’m strong and i’m tough
Seeing them hurt like me before will be fun
Sad to say its only me who suffered all the scars.

I will play the game again this time
But not to lose my balance on the things I should have
Understanding that intimacy is never its part
Of taking one soul in one moment then be gone.
Fearing that maybe the one with whom I play with
Will be that person that might be the right one.

It's All About the Game!

As the song goes,

" It's all about the game, and how you play it
All about control, and if you can take it
All about your debt, and if you can pay it
It's all about pain, and who's gonna make it..."

Later this afternoon, we had our initial defense for our website proposal for a certain organization we have chosen. We were the 4th group to defend. It only took 5 minutes for us to defend our proposal. Surprisingly, the panelist gave us a grade of 98%. I don't know if it's an insult on our part. Haha!

Perhaps we were just surprised because with the kind of presentation we made doesn't deserve even a grade of 90%. Oh well, I thank myself for being a crammer. Doing the presentation an hour before the our defense. God is always good. To God be the Glory!

Why Commit? If You Have Your Friends!

It has been almost a year of me being single. Well, what can you expect from a guy who is very choosy? Haha! Honestly, I'm sick and tired of being committed. You also have to be there for that someone. You are obliged to check them out every now and then. Because if not, pagdududahan ka!

A friend of mine asked me kung bakit ayaw ko na makipag-commit? Hmm.. I just told her, "Kuntento na ako na kasama kayo." And I mean it.

Nakakalungkot nga lang dahil yung sinabihan ko ng mga katagang yan ay bihira ko na lang makasama. Hehe! Busy sa pag-duduty ang utaw na yun. Determinado maging nar-es.

Kakatapos lang ng Valentine's Day huh! Hindi ko man lang naramdaman ang importance nito. Unlike, last year! Haha!

Okay na rin. At least, I was able to save some money. Besides, I am busy doing my website proposal which I am going to defend on Saturday. It's my first time. Wish me luck.

Whew! Wala na akong maisip para pahabain tong post. Haha!

Belated Happy Valentine's Day! ^_^

40th Day of Mourning: A Tribute To My Father!

Ang bilis ng araw. Parang kelan lang, kasama ko pa ang aking ama. I really miss my father terribly. Nakakapanibago pa ring mamuhay na wala siya. I'm trying my best to get used to it. But I am not yet ready to move on. As a matter of fact, I don't want to move on. But, do I have a choice?

When I am still a child, he always bring me some candies pagdating niya ng bahay. Pag wala siyang pasok sa trabaho, pinapasyal niya ako at binibilhan ako ng Cloud 9 bago kame umuwi. One time, isinama niya ako sa outing nila ng mga ka-opismate niya. Natatawa nga nun ako kasi sinisiraan nila si erpat sakin, na kesho may bebot daw. Hehe!Not a big deal though, I know how much he loves my mother.

Nung nasa grade school pa ako, nanood kame ng sine tuwing linggo. I can still remember the first movie we watched, May Nagmamahal Sayo. Starring Lorna Tolentino and Ariel Rivera. Haha! Minsan, bumili siya ng butong pakwan nung naood kame ng sine, kinalat niya yung mga balat sa hagdanan. Kaya ayun, pagkabukas nung ilaw nung patapos na yung movie, ang daming kalat. Tawa ako ng tawa nun. Pasaway talaga 'tong erpat ko. No wonder, sa kanya ako nagmana. And I'm proud of it. Itaga mo pa sa bato.

Fernando Poe Jr was his all-time favorite actor, hindi nga masyado halata na paborito niya yun eh dahil pareho sila ni FPJ may patilya. I can still remember nung palabas pa ang FPJ Action Cinema sa ABS-CBN every Monday, pinupuyatan talaga niya yun. Nung May 2004 Presidential Election, kahit bagong labas siya ng hospital at mahina. Bumoto parin siya. Nung namatay si FPJ, sira ang TV namin nun. Sa kagustuhan na masaksihan ang burol at libing ng kanyang idolo sa telebisyon, pinaayos niya ang telebisyon.

He is more than just a father to me. Kalaro ko sa scrabble dati before we go to sleep. Pag-brownout, pinaglalaruan namin yung kandila. Minsan, gumagawa kami ng anino ng mga kung anong hayop gamit ang aming mga kamay. Hehe!

Regrets? I have some regrets in my life. One of these is when I wasn't able to tell my father that I am so proud of him and I admire him a lot. And of course, that I love him.

It has been two years since nagsimula siya mag-dialysis dahil sa kanyang kidney. Ganun ang routine niya every Monday and Thursday. Minsan, pag-uwi niya, matamlay siya. I can't help but to pity him. I know he really wanted na gumaling siya para makasama niya kame. I know, napapagod na siya nun pero pinapakita parin niya na lumalaban siya para hindi kami mawalan ng pag-asa. Minsan nga, pag-uwi niya galing dialysis, hindi tumitigil yung paglabas ng dugo sa sugat niya. At makikita mo sa mukha niya na napapagod na talaga siya.

My mother told us that every night before they go to sleep, sinabi niya na "Nag-didialysis na nga ako pero hindi pa in ako gumagaling." At binilin na niya ako sa kanila na wag ako pababayaan. Last year, I promised to myself that I am going to complete the 9 mornings of Misa de Gallo. And I am going to wish na gumaling na ang erpat ko. But it was too late.

December 15, 2006. Friday evening. Hindi makakain si erpat kahit anung pilit niya. At hinang-hina siya. Nung sinabi namin sa kanya na isugod na siya sa hospital, nagmatigas pa.

December 16,2006. Saturday. Hindi na makahinga si erpat, nilagyan namin siya ng oxygen at dextrose. Mahina na siya. I was able to attend the first morning of Misa de Gallo. When I arrived home, nakita ko si tatay na ganun parin ang kanyang kalagayan. Mahina at bagsak na ang katawan. Ni hindi ko na nga siya maalalayan sa pagtayo dahil sa sobrang bigat na niya.

Ay around 7AM, isinugod siya ni ermat at ate sa hospital. Too bad, nung nandun na sa hospital, matagal pa bago siya inasikaso ng mga doktor. At around 8PM, pumunta na ako ng hospital para may makasama si ermat dahil umuwi si ate saglit para asikasuhin kung ano po ang kelangan dalhin sa hospital. Pagdating ko, mahinang mahina na si erpat. Ang sabi ng doktor, kulang daw sa dugo. Hindi pa maisalin sa kanya ang dugo nung oras na yun dahil sarado ang Red Cross, Sunday pa raw makakakuha ng dugo.

At around 9PM, dumating ang nurse. Tinanong kung kumain na si erpat. Hindi makakain si erpat nun dahil sa sobrang hina na siya, ni hindi na nga siya makapagsalita. I wasn't able to witness his last words. The nurse suggested to put him NGT, its a nasal tube kung saan dadaan ang pagkain.Eh kelangan uminom ni erpat ng gamot nun so we had no choice. Nung ilalagay na ang tube, ako ang humawak sa ulo, mararamdaman mo talaga na nasasaktan siya dahil nagrereact siya habang ipinapasok sa kanyang ilong yung tube. Pagkatapos nun, pinakain na namin siya at pinainom ng gamot thru NGT.

At around 12MN, papakainin na sana siya ulit ni ate thru NGT. Nung ipapasok na yung pagkain sa tube, biglang lumabas ng dugo sa tube.

December 17, 2006. Hindi pa rin tumitigil yung paglabas ng dugo sa tube. Pabalik-balik ako ng botika para bumili ng gamot para maagapan at tumigil yung paglabas ng dugo. Inutusan ulit ako na bumili ng gamot. Pagbalik ko, I saw my mother and my sister crying. They're talking to my father. It was around 3AM. Sabi nila, kung di na niya kaya, better give up dahil nagawa na namin lahat ng way para gumaling siya. And I can see my father crying, kahit hindi na siya nakakapagsalita, alam kong ayaw pa niya kami iwan because that's the only time na magkasama kami ng buo dahil matagal nawalay samin ang ate ko dahil sa Manila ito nagtrabaho dati bago siya nagpalipat dito sa Zamboanga.

At around 3:40AM, he finally gave up. It was really hard for me. Habang minamasdan ko yung monitor ng heart beat at pulse rate niya na bumababa hanggang mawala na.

Pang, I MISS YOU SO MUCH! I hope you're in good hands. You now join FPJ and your siblings in heaven. I LOVE YOU Pang!

Hero Angeles guests on Goodtimes With Mo Twister!

I tuned in to the controversial program of Mo Twister this morning. It was my first time tuning in to his program. Hero Angeles was the guest for the day. The reason why it's controversial is because of their Forbidden Questions.

Here's the transcript of the Forbidden Questions given to Hero Angeles:

1. Dude, Are you gay?

Hero: No, I'm not.

Mo : Because that's what Cristy said about you.

Mojojojo : There's nothing wrong about gay.

Hero : She makes straight people gay and gay people straight.

2. Worst thing you did to a fan?

Hero: Maybe, I think the fan was like Cristy Fermin, she was saying bad things about me, what I did was to clear what she's saying to the other fans to defend myself.

3. You said you weren't gay, if you had a man crush who would it be?

Mojojo : Mine is Piolo.
Mo : Mine is Bamboo.
Hero : Could it be a group? I'im a fan of bands, Spongecola.
Mojojo : I love him, Yael Yuzon.

4. What's the better network?

Hero: Based on what happened to me, I can't say ABS, I think it's GMA.

5. I'm gonna give 5 names, give me the corresponding animal that you think of?
Mo: Sandara Park.
Hero: An specie, a newly found specie. I think an innocent looking creature.

Mo: Alfie Lorenzo
Hero: Oh, I think he's a fury animal, a walrus 'coz of his mustache.
Mo: Joseph Bitangcol

Hero: A bird because of the shape of his face.

Mo: Cristy Fermin.

Hero: Oh definitely she's an animal. She's more like a frog. First of all, the sound of the voice resembles like one. She's a poisonous frog like a . . . i dont know if there's a stone frog.

Mo: Henry Angeles.

Hero: I think he is a bird of prey ready to attack when someone hits me.

6. One bad encounter with a local celebrity?

Hero: Based on my experience, not really a fight, it was heart evangelista. . .

7. Have you ever cheated on your GF?
Hero: No, Never ....

8. Worst billboard on edsa ?

Hero: Panday

9. Have You Ever lied on a Tsismis Show?

Hero: I think if were doing promos, movies or shows, I think it's like making our part for the press releases, just like making the show good...

10 WORST TV SHOW ON ABS

Hero: Wowowee

11 BETTER LOVETEAM: SANDARA-HERO/SANDARA-JOSEPH?

Hero: Sandara-Hero

12 Fill in the Blanks: CRISTY FERMIN NEEDS TO STOP DOING _____ AND START DOING _____ ?

Hero: She should stop doing libelous acts and start doing .... I think i cannot tell her to start doing something good coz i know she will not do it...

13. how old were you when you lost your virginity?

Hero: I think, I can't tell the age..I can't tell the exact age but I think it's around 19 or 20...

14. RATE SANDARA AS A KISSER 1-10 (orig question: better kisser sandara or sarahhavent kissed sarah though)
Hero: ONE (lowest). Just a screen kiss. During the shooting she runs around the church and hides in the van coz she doesn't want.she wants Joseph Bitangcol.
15. Sinong artista ang feeling sikat sa showbiz, they feel bigger than they really are?

Hero: Racquel of PBB (Pinoy Big Brother Season 1)

16. Hottest Mom for you in Showbiz?

Hero: Donita Rose.

17. if you had cristy fermin's email address, what would it be?

Hero: I think loveyounak@yahoo.com...

18. Which celebrity has the worst B.O.?

Hero: None.

19. Have you slept with anyone famous?

Hero: No.

Mo : I saw your eyes moving right and left?
Hero : Why does it mean anything?
Mo : Yeah it meant something. Hero iI caught you right there, you lied, you know that....
Andi9 : There's a big yes in your forehead...
Hero : I dont have any names to tell you coz there's none...
Mojo : I can sense Hero is a nice person but have you smooched anyone ...
Hero : none...
Mo : Hero,you cover your mouth and laughed so i guess you are lying...
Mojojo : I think he's not lying coz i did my research and talked to some of his classmates and i think he's not lying.
20. Fill in the blanks: Sandara Park should stop doing ___ and start doing ___?

Hero: She needs to stop doing playing innocent, and start being herself...
21. There's a new movie coming out, called "We are the Worst Actors", who's the leading man and woman? Anybody who has appeared in mainstream?

Hero: The soap Bituing Walang Ningning? Pero hindi sila, meron nag-guest don, si Jobert and Cristy...
Mojo : They did?
Hero : Yes, they did as themselves...
Mojo: Artista dapat..
Hero : No, once you appeared on a soap or show, artista ka na..
MO : You want to tap out?
Hero : No No, that's my answer
Mojo : Dapat ang sagot mo not guesting on the side, artista dapat...
Mo : Hero marami yan...
Andi9 : Just one right infront of you
Mo : Yeah that's me...
MO : Come on Hero, think deep
Hero : Okay. From Crazy For You, Actor, Victor Basa...Actress, i think Sandara Park...
Andi9 : I knew it...
MO : I haven't seen her act but I'll take your word for it...

22. Who's in showbiz is the Most Plastic person?

Hero: From my experience, Kris Aquino...
Mojo : Was it a juicy experience?
hero : Part of it...she's being too friendly to everyone but off cam she is like suplada...

23. Who in showbusiness is the worst dresser?

**Hero got a crush on Roxanne before admitted from a caller's question..2 callers also stated worst dresser are Joseph and Sandara**

Caller: Jobert and Cristy, pangit kaya ng itsura ng mga suot nila...
MO : Come on, it's so obvious....
Caller : Sandara pa din... dinadala nya dito yung mga koreanang damit na pakikay di naman bagay..
MO : You want to tap out?
Hero : No.
Caller : Boy Abunda with a quilt..
Hero: May taong naiirita ako sa suot pero hindi sya celebrity...baka sabihin nyo galit na galit ako sa kanya...
Mojo : Sino?
Hero : Si Cristy..She always covers her arms. I don't know for what reason...
Mojo : Maybe because of her Crispy Pata.

Mo : Terrible...
Mojo : I'm so mean... im sorry!

24. Which local celebrity you tried flirting with but she was not interested with you? Parang you wanted to date her or you courted her and then she said no, just a lil flirting, inviting her to go out?

Hero: I tried to befriend someone, but I think, she doesn't like me. Kim Chiu.

25. Which celebrity couple you think will break up next?

MO : I said Cristy and Shrek...
Hero: Wala akong alam masyado eh...
Caller : Rufa Mae and Erik .. comment for worst dresser : Regine Velasquez, she's too fat...
Mojojo : Mo twister and mojojo
MO : I dont see a future with this one...
Hero: I think Rufa mae and Erik...siguro unang tingin, parang unang dinig ko sa issue, parang yun na...

26. Have u ever slept with a fan?

Hero: No.

**Mojo spilled some beans...

Mojo: Your classmates texted me about you, just made out, made romantic or something...
Hero: No.
**Mojojo was laughing...
**Andi9 thought Hero was lying...

27. If you had to say the ffg line to a local celebrity, dude, we all know youre gay, just admit it, who is it?

Mo: You can tap right here if you dont want it..
**Caller said : Sam, Piolo, Erik Santos, Uma, Yul Servo...
Mo: You want to tap out?
Hero : No, iniisip ko...i know of course...what if i didn't answer?
MO : It's the end of the show...we know you have an answer...it's like if you want to say it or not,.. youre laughing your head off, I know you know something...

**From the caller : Worst dressers : Sunshine Dizon, Regine Velasquez,
Hero: I think it's base sa unang kita ko sa tv, sa viewer i think it's Uma Khouny... kasi before pa yung sa PBB, parang boy next door pero nung kasi i dont watch pbb dati tapos nanood ako tapos yon yun na...maganda yung billboard nya infairness.

28. Who's local celebrity you dislike working with?

Hero: Toni Gonzaga.. i think siguro pag nakatabi ko sya as co host, kasi she always shout.

29. When was the last time you pleasured yourself?

Hero: Last week..
Mo: What day?
Hero: I dont know.. one of the weekdays...

30. How BIG is your wang?

Hero: I dont measure.

Mojojo : Oh, you dont know the rule here, I can measure, we have a ruler here...or you can just take a break here and then give you the ruler and measure..
Mo : You want a king size or happy meal or big breakfast? value meal?
Hero: I think its a value meal..
MO : So it's a biggie size here..
Mojojo : Hero, don't let me bring out my ruler pls.... I know your parents have seen it like 20 years ago, i know it's changed... Hero dont tap out pls....
Hero: Di naman ako nagmemeasure eh..
Mojojo : Look, I have my my magic ruler, my cup or my lip balm...
Hero: Above average..

31. Of the big tv reality stars, who do you think is the big star?

Mojojo: We have Sam, Gerald Anderson, Kim Chui
Mo : Come on, you say big stars
Mojojo : Say Alonzo? Joross Gamboa?
Mo : Come on, do you know the meaning of big stars, you are saying Say Alonzo, come on, I said big stars...
**Caller said Jennylyn Mercado...
Mo : Doesn't sing well, doesn't act well, doesn't look good, why?
Hero: Sandara Park.. she decided to go back to korea tapos bumalik uli.

32. Which celeb you think had plastic surgery?

Hero: Sandara Park. I think the cheeks...sa eyelids..kasi pagbalik nya parang naiba na .. uso kasi yon sa Korea.

33. You have a movie coming out (stock room) first time director, so young...which do you think in the industry is the most over-rated director?

Hero: Direk Joey Reyes...

34. You're in the league company...sounds good...did you watch mmff...?

Hero: No.

Mo: Aside from the obvious, Jjobert and Cristy, which showbiz reporter did u dislike the most?
Hero: Marami pero di ko alam ang name nung iba. Reggie Bonoan, friend of Cristy..
MO : Oh i know, they both sucks.
Hero : He's my former publicist.
Mo : Okay. So he more sucks..

35. Who do you want to get down here? want to sleep with?

Hero: Asia Agcaoili.

36. Kiss mojojo in the lips?

Hero: It isn't a question.
MO : Hero, it's either you kiss him or tap out.
Mojojo : Oh, this is so evil...
Hero: Pwede bang last na yan?
Mojojo : This is ... oh my get my camera hahahaha...
MO : It's a dare...we get a dare before you get to 40..you have to get some damage..
Mojojo : Just kiss me like a big brother..come on, sorry henry...
Mo : either you do it or tap out, what is it gonna be?
Hero : daya mo...

**Caller said : you do it Hero, gay to gay...

Hero : No. I won't do it...
Andi9 : in the forehead
Mojojo : i'm not an old man, that's so insulting... im not a lolo...
Hero : that's the scariest thing to do

**Caller : message to cristy,
MO : is that an F word?
Caller : no... Shut up!
mO : oh that's ok, i can say shut up ,*****...

A lot of callers encouraged him to not tap out...

Hero TAPPED OUT on Quetion #5. Tapping Out means you're quitting.

It Kills Me!

If missing someone could kill, I'm dead! Miss ko na ang mga taong naging inspirasyon ko noon. Yung mga taong masasabi kong tunay na mga kaibigan. Dati rati, madalas ko silang katext, kakulitan at minsan katampuhan. Ngayon, lahat ng 'yon ay wala na.

Minsan tinatanong ko sa sarili ko, "May nagawa ba akong masama?" "Masama ba akong tao?"

Bakit sa isang iglap, bigla na lang naging iba yung trato nila sa akin? I can't be perfect for them. I admit, may mga panahon na nasaktan ko ang mga damdamin nila pero naaayos naman namin dati kaagad yun eh! Dati, sinasabi nila ang mga pagkakamali ko. Pero ngayon, bakit sa iba ko pa nalalaman na masama loob nila sa akin.

Okay lang naman sa akin kung ayaw na nila sa akin eh! It's their perrogative. Pero, bakit kailangan sa ganitong paraan?

Ganun pa man. For sure, I'll be happy for them. As for me, I have to move on. Life goes on. Nasanay ako dati na wala sila, I just hope na masasanay ulit ako without them.

I am not an expressive person. Kaya, dito ko na lang sinasabi yung mga hinanakit ko sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko.

I know friends come and go. But only few can leave footprints in you heart and they just did. As for now, ang mahalaga ay kung sino ang naiwan hindi yung nang-iwan. I thank those people who prefer to stay because they accept me for who I am and what I am. Not for whom I pretend to be. And GOD, I thank you for them!

I am not PERFECT! GOD knows how I care for people I love. To GOD be the Glory!