40th Day of Mourning: A Tribute To My Father!

Ang bilis ng araw. Parang kelan lang, kasama ko pa ang aking ama. I really miss my father terribly. Nakakapanibago pa ring mamuhay na wala siya. I'm trying my best to get used to it. But I am not yet ready to move on. As a matter of fact, I don't want to move on. But, do I have a choice?

When I am still a child, he always bring me some candies pagdating niya ng bahay. Pag wala siyang pasok sa trabaho, pinapasyal niya ako at binibilhan ako ng Cloud 9 bago kame umuwi. One time, isinama niya ako sa outing nila ng mga ka-opismate niya. Natatawa nga nun ako kasi sinisiraan nila si erpat sakin, na kesho may bebot daw. Hehe!Not a big deal though, I know how much he loves my mother.

Nung nasa grade school pa ako, nanood kame ng sine tuwing linggo. I can still remember the first movie we watched, May Nagmamahal Sayo. Starring Lorna Tolentino and Ariel Rivera. Haha! Minsan, bumili siya ng butong pakwan nung naood kame ng sine, kinalat niya yung mga balat sa hagdanan. Kaya ayun, pagkabukas nung ilaw nung patapos na yung movie, ang daming kalat. Tawa ako ng tawa nun. Pasaway talaga 'tong erpat ko. No wonder, sa kanya ako nagmana. And I'm proud of it. Itaga mo pa sa bato.

Fernando Poe Jr was his all-time favorite actor, hindi nga masyado halata na paborito niya yun eh dahil pareho sila ni FPJ may patilya. I can still remember nung palabas pa ang FPJ Action Cinema sa ABS-CBN every Monday, pinupuyatan talaga niya yun. Nung May 2004 Presidential Election, kahit bagong labas siya ng hospital at mahina. Bumoto parin siya. Nung namatay si FPJ, sira ang TV namin nun. Sa kagustuhan na masaksihan ang burol at libing ng kanyang idolo sa telebisyon, pinaayos niya ang telebisyon.

He is more than just a father to me. Kalaro ko sa scrabble dati before we go to sleep. Pag-brownout, pinaglalaruan namin yung kandila. Minsan, gumagawa kami ng anino ng mga kung anong hayop gamit ang aming mga kamay. Hehe!

Regrets? I have some regrets in my life. One of these is when I wasn't able to tell my father that I am so proud of him and I admire him a lot. And of course, that I love him.

It has been two years since nagsimula siya mag-dialysis dahil sa kanyang kidney. Ganun ang routine niya every Monday and Thursday. Minsan, pag-uwi niya, matamlay siya. I can't help but to pity him. I know he really wanted na gumaling siya para makasama niya kame. I know, napapagod na siya nun pero pinapakita parin niya na lumalaban siya para hindi kami mawalan ng pag-asa. Minsan nga, pag-uwi niya galing dialysis, hindi tumitigil yung paglabas ng dugo sa sugat niya. At makikita mo sa mukha niya na napapagod na talaga siya.

My mother told us that every night before they go to sleep, sinabi niya na "Nag-didialysis na nga ako pero hindi pa in ako gumagaling." At binilin na niya ako sa kanila na wag ako pababayaan. Last year, I promised to myself that I am going to complete the 9 mornings of Misa de Gallo. And I am going to wish na gumaling na ang erpat ko. But it was too late.

December 15, 2006. Friday evening. Hindi makakain si erpat kahit anung pilit niya. At hinang-hina siya. Nung sinabi namin sa kanya na isugod na siya sa hospital, nagmatigas pa.

December 16,2006. Saturday. Hindi na makahinga si erpat, nilagyan namin siya ng oxygen at dextrose. Mahina na siya. I was able to attend the first morning of Misa de Gallo. When I arrived home, nakita ko si tatay na ganun parin ang kanyang kalagayan. Mahina at bagsak na ang katawan. Ni hindi ko na nga siya maalalayan sa pagtayo dahil sa sobrang bigat na niya.

Ay around 7AM, isinugod siya ni ermat at ate sa hospital. Too bad, nung nandun na sa hospital, matagal pa bago siya inasikaso ng mga doktor. At around 8PM, pumunta na ako ng hospital para may makasama si ermat dahil umuwi si ate saglit para asikasuhin kung ano po ang kelangan dalhin sa hospital. Pagdating ko, mahinang mahina na si erpat. Ang sabi ng doktor, kulang daw sa dugo. Hindi pa maisalin sa kanya ang dugo nung oras na yun dahil sarado ang Red Cross, Sunday pa raw makakakuha ng dugo.

At around 9PM, dumating ang nurse. Tinanong kung kumain na si erpat. Hindi makakain si erpat nun dahil sa sobrang hina na siya, ni hindi na nga siya makapagsalita. I wasn't able to witness his last words. The nurse suggested to put him NGT, its a nasal tube kung saan dadaan ang pagkain.Eh kelangan uminom ni erpat ng gamot nun so we had no choice. Nung ilalagay na ang tube, ako ang humawak sa ulo, mararamdaman mo talaga na nasasaktan siya dahil nagrereact siya habang ipinapasok sa kanyang ilong yung tube. Pagkatapos nun, pinakain na namin siya at pinainom ng gamot thru NGT.

At around 12MN, papakainin na sana siya ulit ni ate thru NGT. Nung ipapasok na yung pagkain sa tube, biglang lumabas ng dugo sa tube.

December 17, 2006. Hindi pa rin tumitigil yung paglabas ng dugo sa tube. Pabalik-balik ako ng botika para bumili ng gamot para maagapan at tumigil yung paglabas ng dugo. Inutusan ulit ako na bumili ng gamot. Pagbalik ko, I saw my mother and my sister crying. They're talking to my father. It was around 3AM. Sabi nila, kung di na niya kaya, better give up dahil nagawa na namin lahat ng way para gumaling siya. And I can see my father crying, kahit hindi na siya nakakapagsalita, alam kong ayaw pa niya kami iwan because that's the only time na magkasama kami ng buo dahil matagal nawalay samin ang ate ko dahil sa Manila ito nagtrabaho dati bago siya nagpalipat dito sa Zamboanga.

At around 3:40AM, he finally gave up. It was really hard for me. Habang minamasdan ko yung monitor ng heart beat at pulse rate niya na bumababa hanggang mawala na.

Pang, I MISS YOU SO MUCH! I hope you're in good hands. You now join FPJ and your siblings in heaven. I LOVE YOU Pang!

Hero Angeles guests on Goodtimes With Mo Twister!

I tuned in to the controversial program of Mo Twister this morning. It was my first time tuning in to his program. Hero Angeles was the guest for the day. The reason why it's controversial is because of their Forbidden Questions.

Here's the transcript of the Forbidden Questions given to Hero Angeles:

1. Dude, Are you gay?

Hero: No, I'm not.

Mo : Because that's what Cristy said about you.

Mojojojo : There's nothing wrong about gay.

Hero : She makes straight people gay and gay people straight.

2. Worst thing you did to a fan?

Hero: Maybe, I think the fan was like Cristy Fermin, she was saying bad things about me, what I did was to clear what she's saying to the other fans to defend myself.

3. You said you weren't gay, if you had a man crush who would it be?

Mojojo : Mine is Piolo.
Mo : Mine is Bamboo.
Hero : Could it be a group? I'im a fan of bands, Spongecola.
Mojojo : I love him, Yael Yuzon.

4. What's the better network?

Hero: Based on what happened to me, I can't say ABS, I think it's GMA.

5. I'm gonna give 5 names, give me the corresponding animal that you think of?
Mo: Sandara Park.
Hero: An specie, a newly found specie. I think an innocent looking creature.

Mo: Alfie Lorenzo
Hero: Oh, I think he's a fury animal, a walrus 'coz of his mustache.
Mo: Joseph Bitangcol

Hero: A bird because of the shape of his face.

Mo: Cristy Fermin.

Hero: Oh definitely she's an animal. She's more like a frog. First of all, the sound of the voice resembles like one. She's a poisonous frog like a . . . i dont know if there's a stone frog.

Mo: Henry Angeles.

Hero: I think he is a bird of prey ready to attack when someone hits me.

6. One bad encounter with a local celebrity?

Hero: Based on my experience, not really a fight, it was heart evangelista. . .

7. Have you ever cheated on your GF?
Hero: No, Never ....

8. Worst billboard on edsa ?

Hero: Panday

9. Have You Ever lied on a Tsismis Show?

Hero: I think if were doing promos, movies or shows, I think it's like making our part for the press releases, just like making the show good...

10 WORST TV SHOW ON ABS

Hero: Wowowee

11 BETTER LOVETEAM: SANDARA-HERO/SANDARA-JOSEPH?

Hero: Sandara-Hero

12 Fill in the Blanks: CRISTY FERMIN NEEDS TO STOP DOING _____ AND START DOING _____ ?

Hero: She should stop doing libelous acts and start doing .... I think i cannot tell her to start doing something good coz i know she will not do it...

13. how old were you when you lost your virginity?

Hero: I think, I can't tell the age..I can't tell the exact age but I think it's around 19 or 20...

14. RATE SANDARA AS A KISSER 1-10 (orig question: better kisser sandara or sarahhavent kissed sarah though)
Hero: ONE (lowest). Just a screen kiss. During the shooting she runs around the church and hides in the van coz she doesn't want.she wants Joseph Bitangcol.
15. Sinong artista ang feeling sikat sa showbiz, they feel bigger than they really are?

Hero: Racquel of PBB (Pinoy Big Brother Season 1)

16. Hottest Mom for you in Showbiz?

Hero: Donita Rose.

17. if you had cristy fermin's email address, what would it be?

Hero: I think loveyounak@yahoo.com...

18. Which celebrity has the worst B.O.?

Hero: None.

19. Have you slept with anyone famous?

Hero: No.

Mo : I saw your eyes moving right and left?
Hero : Why does it mean anything?
Mo : Yeah it meant something. Hero iI caught you right there, you lied, you know that....
Andi9 : There's a big yes in your forehead...
Hero : I dont have any names to tell you coz there's none...
Mojo : I can sense Hero is a nice person but have you smooched anyone ...
Hero : none...
Mo : Hero,you cover your mouth and laughed so i guess you are lying...
Mojojo : I think he's not lying coz i did my research and talked to some of his classmates and i think he's not lying.
20. Fill in the blanks: Sandara Park should stop doing ___ and start doing ___?

Hero: She needs to stop doing playing innocent, and start being herself...
21. There's a new movie coming out, called "We are the Worst Actors", who's the leading man and woman? Anybody who has appeared in mainstream?

Hero: The soap Bituing Walang Ningning? Pero hindi sila, meron nag-guest don, si Jobert and Cristy...
Mojo : They did?
Hero : Yes, they did as themselves...
Mojo: Artista dapat..
Hero : No, once you appeared on a soap or show, artista ka na..
MO : You want to tap out?
Hero : No No, that's my answer
Mojo : Dapat ang sagot mo not guesting on the side, artista dapat...
Mo : Hero marami yan...
Andi9 : Just one right infront of you
Mo : Yeah that's me...
MO : Come on Hero, think deep
Hero : Okay. From Crazy For You, Actor, Victor Basa...Actress, i think Sandara Park...
Andi9 : I knew it...
MO : I haven't seen her act but I'll take your word for it...

22. Who's in showbiz is the Most Plastic person?

Hero: From my experience, Kris Aquino...
Mojo : Was it a juicy experience?
hero : Part of it...she's being too friendly to everyone but off cam she is like suplada...

23. Who in showbusiness is the worst dresser?

**Hero got a crush on Roxanne before admitted from a caller's question..2 callers also stated worst dresser are Joseph and Sandara**

Caller: Jobert and Cristy, pangit kaya ng itsura ng mga suot nila...
MO : Come on, it's so obvious....
Caller : Sandara pa din... dinadala nya dito yung mga koreanang damit na pakikay di naman bagay..
MO : You want to tap out?
Hero : No.
Caller : Boy Abunda with a quilt..
Hero: May taong naiirita ako sa suot pero hindi sya celebrity...baka sabihin nyo galit na galit ako sa kanya...
Mojo : Sino?
Hero : Si Cristy..She always covers her arms. I don't know for what reason...
Mojo : Maybe because of her Crispy Pata.

Mo : Terrible...
Mojo : I'm so mean... im sorry!

24. Which local celebrity you tried flirting with but she was not interested with you? Parang you wanted to date her or you courted her and then she said no, just a lil flirting, inviting her to go out?

Hero: I tried to befriend someone, but I think, she doesn't like me. Kim Chiu.

25. Which celebrity couple you think will break up next?

MO : I said Cristy and Shrek...
Hero: Wala akong alam masyado eh...
Caller : Rufa Mae and Erik .. comment for worst dresser : Regine Velasquez, she's too fat...
Mojojo : Mo twister and mojojo
MO : I dont see a future with this one...
Hero: I think Rufa mae and Erik...siguro unang tingin, parang unang dinig ko sa issue, parang yun na...

26. Have u ever slept with a fan?

Hero: No.

**Mojo spilled some beans...

Mojo: Your classmates texted me about you, just made out, made romantic or something...
Hero: No.
**Mojojo was laughing...
**Andi9 thought Hero was lying...

27. If you had to say the ffg line to a local celebrity, dude, we all know youre gay, just admit it, who is it?

Mo: You can tap right here if you dont want it..
**Caller said : Sam, Piolo, Erik Santos, Uma, Yul Servo...
Mo: You want to tap out?
Hero : No, iniisip ko...i know of course...what if i didn't answer?
MO : It's the end of the show...we know you have an answer...it's like if you want to say it or not,.. youre laughing your head off, I know you know something...

**From the caller : Worst dressers : Sunshine Dizon, Regine Velasquez,
Hero: I think it's base sa unang kita ko sa tv, sa viewer i think it's Uma Khouny... kasi before pa yung sa PBB, parang boy next door pero nung kasi i dont watch pbb dati tapos nanood ako tapos yon yun na...maganda yung billboard nya infairness.

28. Who's local celebrity you dislike working with?

Hero: Toni Gonzaga.. i think siguro pag nakatabi ko sya as co host, kasi she always shout.

29. When was the last time you pleasured yourself?

Hero: Last week..
Mo: What day?
Hero: I dont know.. one of the weekdays...

30. How BIG is your wang?

Hero: I dont measure.

Mojojo : Oh, you dont know the rule here, I can measure, we have a ruler here...or you can just take a break here and then give you the ruler and measure..
Mo : You want a king size or happy meal or big breakfast? value meal?
Hero: I think its a value meal..
MO : So it's a biggie size here..
Mojojo : Hero, don't let me bring out my ruler pls.... I know your parents have seen it like 20 years ago, i know it's changed... Hero dont tap out pls....
Hero: Di naman ako nagmemeasure eh..
Mojojo : Look, I have my my magic ruler, my cup or my lip balm...
Hero: Above average..

31. Of the big tv reality stars, who do you think is the big star?

Mojojo: We have Sam, Gerald Anderson, Kim Chui
Mo : Come on, you say big stars
Mojojo : Say Alonzo? Joross Gamboa?
Mo : Come on, do you know the meaning of big stars, you are saying Say Alonzo, come on, I said big stars...
**Caller said Jennylyn Mercado...
Mo : Doesn't sing well, doesn't act well, doesn't look good, why?
Hero: Sandara Park.. she decided to go back to korea tapos bumalik uli.

32. Which celeb you think had plastic surgery?

Hero: Sandara Park. I think the cheeks...sa eyelids..kasi pagbalik nya parang naiba na .. uso kasi yon sa Korea.

33. You have a movie coming out (stock room) first time director, so young...which do you think in the industry is the most over-rated director?

Hero: Direk Joey Reyes...

34. You're in the league company...sounds good...did you watch mmff...?

Hero: No.

Mo: Aside from the obvious, Jjobert and Cristy, which showbiz reporter did u dislike the most?
Hero: Marami pero di ko alam ang name nung iba. Reggie Bonoan, friend of Cristy..
MO : Oh i know, they both sucks.
Hero : He's my former publicist.
Mo : Okay. So he more sucks..

35. Who do you want to get down here? want to sleep with?

Hero: Asia Agcaoili.

36. Kiss mojojo in the lips?

Hero: It isn't a question.
MO : Hero, it's either you kiss him or tap out.
Mojojo : Oh, this is so evil...
Hero: Pwede bang last na yan?
Mojojo : This is ... oh my get my camera hahahaha...
MO : It's a dare...we get a dare before you get to 40..you have to get some damage..
Mojojo : Just kiss me like a big brother..come on, sorry henry...
Mo : either you do it or tap out, what is it gonna be?
Hero : daya mo...

**Caller said : you do it Hero, gay to gay...

Hero : No. I won't do it...
Andi9 : in the forehead
Mojojo : i'm not an old man, that's so insulting... im not a lolo...
Hero : that's the scariest thing to do

**Caller : message to cristy,
MO : is that an F word?
Caller : no... Shut up!
mO : oh that's ok, i can say shut up ,*****...

A lot of callers encouraged him to not tap out...

Hero TAPPED OUT on Quetion #5. Tapping Out means you're quitting.

It Kills Me!

If missing someone could kill, I'm dead! Miss ko na ang mga taong naging inspirasyon ko noon. Yung mga taong masasabi kong tunay na mga kaibigan. Dati rati, madalas ko silang katext, kakulitan at minsan katampuhan. Ngayon, lahat ng 'yon ay wala na.

Minsan tinatanong ko sa sarili ko, "May nagawa ba akong masama?" "Masama ba akong tao?"

Bakit sa isang iglap, bigla na lang naging iba yung trato nila sa akin? I can't be perfect for them. I admit, may mga panahon na nasaktan ko ang mga damdamin nila pero naaayos naman namin dati kaagad yun eh! Dati, sinasabi nila ang mga pagkakamali ko. Pero ngayon, bakit sa iba ko pa nalalaman na masama loob nila sa akin.

Okay lang naman sa akin kung ayaw na nila sa akin eh! It's their perrogative. Pero, bakit kailangan sa ganitong paraan?

Ganun pa man. For sure, I'll be happy for them. As for me, I have to move on. Life goes on. Nasanay ako dati na wala sila, I just hope na masasanay ulit ako without them.

I am not an expressive person. Kaya, dito ko na lang sinasabi yung mga hinanakit ko sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko.

I know friends come and go. But only few can leave footprints in you heart and they just did. As for now, ang mahalaga ay kung sino ang naiwan hindi yung nang-iwan. I thank those people who prefer to stay because they accept me for who I am and what I am. Not for whom I pretend to be. And GOD, I thank you for them!

I am not PERFECT! GOD knows how I care for people I love. To GOD be the Glory!